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7.24.2012

"Hot, Spicy, and All Man"


In the latest attempt to make money off of 50 Shades of Grey (following Anne Rice's re-release), publishers of all things e-rotic (electronically delivered erotica), Total-E-Bound Publishing is remixing/mashing up (a la Seth Grahame-Smith) literary classics with naughty bits under their new imprint Clandestine Classics.

"We're keeping the original prose and the author's voice. … But we want to enhance the novels by adding the 'missing' scenes for readers to enjoy," says founder of Total-E-Bound Publishing Claire Siemaszkiewicz. The imprint will re-sexify classics such as Pride and Prejudice, A Study in Scarlet, and 20,000 Under the Sea.

Take a look at some of the added scenes...

From Pride & Prejudice:
"Fire blazed in his eyes as he looked down at her and she felt overwhelmed by the possession she saw in their depths -- astounded, but perfectly at ease as though she were right where she needed to be. Her heart pounded as she breathed in the scents around her. The fresh, earthy smell of the forest, the pine trees, the grass beneath their bodies combined with the delicious scent of Darcy. Hot, spicy and all man."
Here's A Study in Scarlet:
"Confusion claimed me for a moment, and my mouth dropped open as I took it all in. The joy of knowing other men were the same as I was quickly eclipsed by the fear that if they were caught it would be the end for them. I was stuck between wanting to step forward and warn them they ought to be more careful and remaining where I was to silently watch."
I have to say, these are the tackiest, most shameless 50 Shades marketing ploy I've come across!

First off, Total-E-Bound is risking its credentials (what it has, if any) by being so open with a cheap gimmick (and of course this does nothing but further damage the reputation of erotica!). This can be seen in everything from the cheap generic covers, to the very unprofessional blogspot website it invested in (i.e. free); there's the unclassy move of linking to various media coverage of the new imprint and the fact (from what can be gathered from the website) that you're not actually paying for the mash-up--just the sex scenes.



Of course this is at no mention at the cheap quality of the work (that has been shown), which sounds like it comes from a Burger King commercial (are they teaming up with BK, if so, do we get a bacon sundae?)

"People are going to either love it or hate it," says Siemaszkiewicz.

And of course the books will find an audience. Pride & Prejudice pornos are nothing new (here, here, here,  as well as here [which was actually short listed for a Lammy in 2011]).

I do have to admit, I kinda have a thing for Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy:

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