How Fiction Writing Is Like High School

1. Writers Who Actually Make Money and Teach On The Side for Fun: e.g. Joyce Carol Oates, Toni Morrison, Junot Diaz

2. Writers Who Write Genre Fiction, Two Titles Per Year, via Mass Market Only: e.g. Patricia Briggs, Eloisa James, Robin Hobb

3. Writers Who Write Genre Fiction, But In Hardcover and maybe Trade THEN Mass Market: e.g. Tess Gerristen, Nora Roberts, James Patterson

4. Writers Who Write Genre Fiction, But People Think It's Quite Good: e.g. Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, China Mieville, Guy Gavriel Kay

5. Writers Who Write Ebooks Only (or mostly): e.g. Ryan Field, Augusta Li, J.M. Snyder

6. Writers Who Read HTMLGiant and Live On The Internet: e.g. Amber Sparks, Tim Jones-Yelvington, Roxane Gay, Blake Butler

7. Writers Who Got MFAs and Was Listed In The New Yorker and Recently Started Wearing The Sweaters Depicted In Their Cartoon Selves: eg Yiyun Li, Z.Z. Packer, Tea Obreht 

8. Writers With MFAs, But Are In Debt: e.g. Kyle Minor...and others (see table 6)

9. Writers Who Are Horny: Rob Wolfsham, Johnny Murdoc, Natty Soltesz, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Zane 

10. Snooki.


  1. I saw Snooki's book at the bookstore and I thumbed through it. I want to at least steal it since it felt like I was reading funny fanfiction. Her ghostwriter said in the LA Times today that Snooki drinks for our sins and I found that messiah link unsettling after reading several articles about birds dropping dead out of the sky, millions of fish dying in the Chesapeake Bay and other disturbing mass deaths in nature in the last two days.

  2. i found the ghostwriter! it's valerie frankel..this intrigues me...i too want to steal the book now...

  3. But after some reflection, I think I might want to switch to the WRITERS WHO ARE HORNY table.

  4. @Tim...I also think you'll be fine at the Snooki

    btw, you made my day when i found out you read this blog! i'm kinda of a stalker of minor celebs... :p

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